Just Call Me Captain Olympics!

It’s now just over a week since I last enjoyed the spinning, sweating, gyrating, lycra antics on my television…I’m talking about the Olympics of course! I have to say, it feels like a small Olympic-ring sized hole has been left in my life. It was only sixteen days on the television, but it’s amazing how quickly you adapt to change in your life and new routines.

Although I love watching the swimming, sprinting and rhythmic gymnastics, I have to say I was disappointed with the coverage and after week one I would have been satisfied had I never seen another tumble turn in my life. Our Australian rowers did very well, but honestly, if I had to watch another stroke I would have hit the “off” button faster than you can say “Eaton Dorney”.

It got me thinking about how I would spice up the Olympics had I been the one to invent it. As it turns out it was the Greeks, not I, who invented the Olympics; however I think my ideas stand head and shoulders above burly Greek soldiers sprinting in full armour and competing in chariot races. Although I’ve always loved a good chariot race…

Image from guardian.co.uk

Anyway, so here it is. If I, Captain Olympics (that would be my name), invented the Olympics, I would:

  1. Put a series of wooden staircases in place of hurdles and get the athletes to compete in socks.
  2. Make the synchronised swimmers either dance or swim. It freaks me out just a little bit, perhaps something to do with the “dance face” combined with a pegged nose…
  3. Get all the divers to start from a hand stand. It’s too amazing to not watch it every time.
  4. Get the rhythmic gymnasts to do the thing with the ball on a unicycle. It’s clearly far too easy done on two feet.
  5. While we’re at it, get the track cyclists to compete on unicycles too.
  6. Introduce gumboot throwing in place of the shot-put. The gold medal would go to the person who throws it the furthest AND has the best decorated boot.
  7. Have people riding blow up dolphins and giant seahorses distracting the marathon swimmers. I don’t know if you noticed, but it is very boring.
  8. Give the archers nurf guns instead of bows (is it bows they use?).
  9. Make the basketball hoop sit another few feet higher and give all the players springy stilts…I swear they exist!
  10. And finally, instead of the national anthem, every winning country has to do a novelty dance on the podium. The first one shall be the Chicken Dance.

So there you have it. I think you can agree that these Olympics would be way better and, in essence, I should be crowned Captain Olympics. The end.

What’s that Flipper? I should be crowned Captain Olympics? Oh alright then.
Image from carnivaltoys.com


My Favourite Things

“Run, children, run for your lives!” Maria leads the children in her favourite game: doorbell pranking.
Image from scene-stealers.com

I once played in the orchestra of my school’s production’s of The Sound of Music with my sister. Having both always loved the movie we were pretty stoked to be playing the music despite the challenges for the violin section. After weeks of rehearsals we had committed to memory every line of the script which, consequently, drove my parents bonkers in the car on the way home. I’m sure there were lots of deep breaths from the front seat each time they heard us cry “Maria! Maria! Where’s Maria!”.

Several years later I was lucky enough to be backpacking through Austria when I landed myself in Salzburg; the place where all the Von Trapp magic started. Practising my danke shoens and auf wiedersheins through the corridors of the backpackers where I was staying, I spied a poster that piqued my interest: The Sound of Music Tour. You ripper, I thought, and straight to the booking counter I went. As it turned out, it ended up being a clapping, singing, cheese-fest, but who doesn’t love a bit of cheese, particularly when you can yodel at the same time (note to self: do not try doing both at the same time, you may just choke). As cringe-worthy as some of the tour guides comments and ideas were, it was a great way to see some of the spectacular countryside Salzburg has to offer. Plus I got a photo of the Von Trapp family house, therefore it was totally worth it.

A particular favourite song of mine from the musical was My Favourite Things. I loved Maria’s optimism that if you think of the things you like, everything will be alright. It’s fair to say there was a lot of fitting in of these so called favourite things to the lyrics. I mean, doorbells, Maria? Really?

So working with Maria’s theory, I thought I might do a bit of conjuring of my favourite things…

Rain on my window and chocolate pudding,

Comedy movies like Rat Race with Gooding,

Sunshine and water and Flattley’s flings,

These are a few of my favourite things…

Long, slow cooking and hours of reading,

Writing and gardening as long as it’s not weeding,

Winter and Summer and Autumn and Spring,

These are a few of my favourite things!

So there you have it. See, Maria? I can do it too! Okay, I’ll admit that second line is almost as dodgy as your doorbells, but you try finding something that rhymes with pudding!

I’m considering sending my revised lyrics to the tour guide from Salzburg; it would be such a shame for them to go unheard, and I can guarantee every Sound of Music song would be heard on the tour bus. Loud and on repeat.