It’s now just over a week since I last enjoyed the spinning, sweating, gyrating, lycra antics on my television…I’m talking about the Olympics of course! I have to say, it feels like a small Olympic-ring sized hole has been left in my life. It was only sixteen days on the television, but it’s amazing how quickly you adapt to change in your life and new routines.
Although I love watching the swimming, sprinting and rhythmic gymnastics, I have to say I was disappointed with the coverage and after week one I would have been satisfied had I never seen another tumble turn in my life. Our Australian rowers did very well, but honestly, if I had to watch another stroke I would have hit the “off” button faster than you can say “Eaton Dorney”.
It got me thinking about how I would spice up the Olympics had I been the one to invent it. As it turns out it was the Greeks, not I, who invented the Olympics; however I think my ideas stand head and shoulders above burly Greek soldiers sprinting in full armour and competing in chariot races. Although I’ve always loved a good chariot race…
Anyway, so here it is. If I, Captain Olympics (that would be my name), invented the Olympics, I would:
- Put a series of wooden staircases in place of hurdles and get the athletes to compete in socks.
- Make the synchronised swimmers either dance or swim. It freaks me out just a little bit, perhaps something to do with the “dance face” combined with a pegged nose…
- Get all the divers to start from a hand stand. It’s too amazing to not watch it every time.
- Get the rhythmic gymnasts to do the thing with the ball on a unicycle. It’s clearly far too easy done on two feet.
- While we’re at it, get the track cyclists to compete on unicycles too.
- Introduce gumboot throwing in place of the shot-put. The gold medal would go to the person who throws it the furthest AND has the best decorated boot.
- Have people riding blow up dolphins and giant seahorses distracting the marathon swimmers. I don’t know if you noticed, but it is very boring.
- Give the archers nurf guns instead of bows (is it bows they use?).
- Make the basketball hoop sit another few feet higher and give all the players springy stilts…I swear they exist!
- And finally, instead of the national anthem, every winning country has to do a novelty dance on the podium. The first one shall be the Chicken Dance.
So there you have it. I think you can agree that these Olympics would be way better and, in essence, I should be crowned Captain Olympics. The end.